Mail Call for Mr. Weiner

Dear Anthony Weiner,

It is extra insulting when a member of the tribe does something really bad. We Jews make up one percent of the population in the United States. We have to stick together, and, if you have ever attended Rosh Hashanah services in my hometown, there is evidence we do.

When Bernie Madoff stole all that money from other Jews, people were equal parts sad and livid. "How could he do that to his own people!?" they cried. When you walked up to that podium yesterday, I said "No...no, OK here he goes." From Mark Sanford, we expect that kind of frat boy behavior. From you, the formerly menschie guy from Brooklyn, we expected better.

Fully clothed is a better look for you

I am so disappointed in you. And since I know you have been busy with your, um, electronic correspondence in 140 characters or less, I have intercepted some the long form emails from Jews you have let down.

Here is a selection:

Anthony -

I sat next to you all through junior high. Thanks for letting me cheat off your algebra test. I was way out of your league then and am way out of your league now. You will always be a nerd, no matter how much you bench press (nice pecs, though). or how much you yell at John Boehner. I regret making out with you at Marcy Markowitz's spin the bottle party.

Sincerely,

Mindy Bernstein Horowitz

Syosset, NY

I am so glad I married Dr. Horowitz - a real mensch - and not you!

Dear Congressman Weiner -

I was doing my bar mitzvah project on "Great Jews of the 20th Century." It came down to you, Adam Sandler or Mila Kunis. I ripped up my paper and am starting over. Mila Kunis is hot anyway.

Sincerely,

Aiden Goldberg, age 13

Boca Raton, FL

You're uninvited to the party at the Sheraton, too.

Dear Mr. Horowitz -

I am a retiree in your congressional district. I voted for you in every race. I knew your mother. Shame on you. Keep your schmuck away from the camera, you schmuck.

Thinking of going GOP in 2012,

Sol Rubin

Brooklyn

I know I look like that guy from Seinfeld. What is the Twitter, anyway?

Dear Anthony,

We were thrilled when you asked to marry my daughter. We heard Jews made good husbands. You disappoint me, and every other interfaith mother-in-law.

Signed,

Huma's mom

She thought you were a "catch."

Anthony -

Did we not talk about boundaries in therapy?

Dr. Naomi Adelstein, LCSW

How do YOU feel about what you did?

@RepWiener: Wassaup? Letz talk about your stimulus package. Hit me later @SexxyShiksa.

Tweet ya later, hot stuff.